There is a poem by Paul Laurence Dunbar entitled, "We Wear the Mask." It reads:

“We wear the mask that grins and lies,
It hides our cheeks and shades our eyes,—
This debt we pay to human guile;
With torn and bleeding hearts we smile,
And mouth with myriad subtleties.

Why should the world be over-wise,
In counting all our tears and sighs?
Nay, let them only see us, while
We wear the mask.


We smile, but, O great Christ, our cries
To thee from tortured souls arise.
We sing, but oh the clay is vile
Beneath our feet, and long the mile;
But let the world dream otherwise,
We wear the mask!”

I have lived my whole life behind a collection of masks, being who people wanted me to be: happy, obeying, selfless, or caretaker.  I learned from an early age that I was here to give to others.  It wasn't until I was an adult and had everything stripped of me that I realized what all had been taken.  The pinnacle that pushed me over was when my innocence was taken by a vicious rape.  I held silent for a long time out of shame and because I never felt like I had anyone I could turn to.  I dealt with this by just adding another mask to my collection.

Soon, the masks suffocated me.  I lost who I truly was.  I lost my breath.  I became a cold, angry, and flat affect shell of the person that I used to be. I was numb and broken. All of my life rather than seeking help for my anxiety, PTSD and depression, I would just cover it with a mask and said I was ok through a forced smile. Once I had my daughter, I began to see who I am and who I want to be...for both her and myself. I am finding that in laying down my masks, I have to face some hard truths but it is the beginning of a beautiful journey. Mental health is so stigmatized that we will wear these masks to our deaths rather than use our voice for freedom.  I wish the world could lay down the masks and find freedom.  I am finding that it is okay to not be okay, and that is okay with me.

-Summer