My brother Jeff killed himself when he was 22 years old.

He died alone in his car, no one knows the exact reason he decided he couldn't go on any longer. My views of his life and death are my own. Jeff was 6 years older than me, so we weren't close confidants growing up. He left home for the Army and an adult life, and we were sort of reintroduced when he returned later. He returned with some issues that he was trying to deal with, but he didn't deal with them very well, and I think he was very depressed.  

I realized later that he had a gambling addiction, which caused many problems. It wasn't an addiction very well understood and treated in those days. I believe that when he ended his life, he was depressed enough to not be able to see hope for change. After 60 years of life, I have been through some lows, seen others in lows, and have seen what terrible illnesses addiction and depression can be. And I have seen how beautiful life can be.

I was sad, mad, and disappointed about my older brother committing suicide. I still wish he had found his way out of that dark spot, had sought the right help to survive and go forward. I have long since forgiven him for the pain he caused family and others with his death. Forgiveness is not always easy to give or receive, but it is wonderful. Giving help when you can, and asking for it when you need it can help in the struggle that life sometimes is.

-Robert