My name is Melissa. I spent 12 years of my life in full blown addiction.

I carried the weight that comes with addiction until I could carry it no more. I faced complete failure and I knew I only had two choices left. I had to get help or I was going to die. If someone asked me, “Why did you chose to do drugs,” I would not have a solid answer.

I had a pretty great childhood with no major trauma. I would actually be so hard on myself because I knew I had no excuse for the things I was doing. I hated me. The day I entered recovery I knew that to heal I was going to have to really dig deep and give it my all. This wasn’t my first time trying to receive help but I knew I wanted it to be my last. I was so tired.

Although I was so scared for what the future held I really began to listen and be open to do things to focus on self-care. I leaned deeply on my faith for strength. I looked within and although I hated who I saw I also saw a teenager who was sweet and loving and kind. Also, I saw someone so focused on not failing. I tried too hard not to fail at things. My first huge failure was in a relationship. I couldn’t not let it go that I chose the wrong person.

It consumed me. Soon after all my failures consumed me. I tried to escape into of embracing that I’m a human and we fail. I made a disconnect where you learn it’s ok if you fail, but you have to pick yourself up and keep going and learn. I never learned to embrace failures. As my mind became clear and off of substances I realized I was a 31 year old woman stuck in the mindset of a 16 year old kid who just made a mistake.

I was in a complete identity crisis. For me the turning point was learning that my identity was not in my failures. My identity was in Christ. I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Day by day in recovery I became stronger. I healed from wounds I completely forgot were even there. I decided I was no longer going to fall and crumble every time I faced a crisis. I learned healthy ways to deal with the stresses of life. Most importantly I learned to love myself despite my flaws and imperfections. All of this becomes more natural and easy when your pour into yourself with positive things instead of focusing on the negative. I had to embrace that the real me was a completely different person than who I had been for 12 years.

I had to forgive myself and others for things that seemed totally unforgivable. When I did I was finally free. My drug abuse led me to lose a great career, the support of my family and countless other possessions. I went into recovery with nothing. I left with more than I ever had. Next month I will be four years clean. I have a great job, but soon I will move on to the next career journey in my life where I get to help people who have had the same experiences as me. How awesome is that?

I have a wonderful relationship with my family. They also don’t hide their purses and wallets when I am around anymore too! My then boyfriend is now my husband. He was done with me and I really had no hope that we would every reconnect. He also survived a brain aneurysm. Everyday getting to be his wife is such a miracle and it still amazes me. I have great friends who encourage and support me. I have a wonderful church family who do the same. I’m singing again, which is something I thought I would never do.
Life is no longer just a chore to get through every day. Life is full of adventure, fun, and love. I can’t believe I missed out on that for 12 years. I’m so thankful for the opportunity to live it to the fullest now. I would encourage anyone who is in addiction to not be ashamed and to ask for help. Don’t let your past define your future. There is always hope. Never give up. There are people out there with open arms who want to help teach you the tools you need to be healthy and living an abundant life. Just reach out. Don’t suffer alone.

I’m praying for everyone this message reaches and beyond. You can recover. I did.

-Melissa Barnett
She teaches 12 steps at Dying to Live Ministries. If you or someone you know struggles with addiction, you can contact them at (601-543-4744).