I have one sibling, a brother, who is two years older than I.  We are different in a lot of ways.  He is tall and thin.  I, myself, not so thin.  He is divorced and has never put his family first.  I have been married for twenty-seven years and my family always comes first.  He has never been self-sufficient, always asking for help.  I have always been very independent.  The thing that sets us apart the most is our mental health status.

He has suffered with addiction and mental illness for thirty years.  I have never experienced the throes of addiction, but I have experienced depression and anxiety secondary to his episodes.  He has received inpatient treatment at least a dozen times and has inconsistently received mental health services for almost as long.  He is always complaint during treatment and is such a pleasant, likeable person, but out on his own, he becomes totally non-compliant with medication and appointments. 

His mental health problems have caused our family much heartache, sadness, and financial strain.  He currently lives with our mother, who no longer enables him, but refuses to see him live on the street.  I made the decision about a year ago to help him from a distance.  I have tried so hard to make him want a better life, but I have been unsuccessful.  I have finally accepted that no matter how bad I want it for him, it will not happen without long-term care and/or his cooperation.

He told me recently he does not want help nor does he want a new way of life.  Even though his current way of life has found him in jail and other legal trouble.  He has been diagnosed with Bipolar Disorder, Depression, Anxiety Disorder, and other diagnoses I cannot even remember.  I have tried for many years to manage/monitor is psychiatry/mental health appointments and medications only for him to sabotage his treatment over and over... I have told him in family/group therapy sessions exactly how I feel. 

He shows no respect for anyone, not even himself.  I asked him recently if he had looked in the mirror, looked really closely at himself.  I also told him that my brother is no longer in that person he is looking at.  His physical appearance screams “textbook” mental illness.  This makes me very sad.  I am sad for him and for the life he could have had.  It is major challenge to obtain help for someone in our current mental health processes.  There is no longer “long term” placement.

It is almost impossible to have someone committed to treatment unless they are “visibly suicidal or homicidal.”  Funds have been cut for mental health services, hospital/facility stays have been shortened, and mental health clinicians are spread thin and burned out.  I don’t have a solution for the problem and I know there are other family members just like me who are wondering every day if they will get a call from a jail or a morgue.

I have not given up on my brother, I pray for him day and night.  I help when he asks.  I try to de-escalate him when my mother calls and I can hear him in one of his episodes of lashing out, blaming everyone else for his problems, or demanding something we cannot provide.

God please bless all those living with mental illness and addiction.  God bless the family members who struggle every day, hoping for a “good day.”  God please bless and provide for our mental health/behavioral health systems.

-Anonymous