I spent 9 years in addiction. It all started when I was only 16 years old.
I started drinking on the weekends and going to parties, and then that led to taking pills and smoking weed all through high school. At the age of 18, I met my ex-husband and got pregnant. I stopped everything until after I had my first son. While I was pregnant I found out that my ex was doing drugs and, for some reason, I stayed. I guess because I was young and thought he would quit but it didn’t work out like that. After I had my son, I had postpartum depression and I started back smoking weed. I did that that until my son was 2 years old.
At the end of 2011, that’s when my ex introduced me to my worst mistake ever, crystal meth. I was instantly hooked. In the middle of 2012, I found out I was pregnant with my 2nd child. I went through withdrawals because I stopped using while pregnant. I did well staying clean until after my daughter was born in 2013 and then I feel into a serious deep postpartum depression and was medicated. When my daughter was 6 months old, my ex decided he was going to bring meth back into the home and he knew I had depression. He kept saying, “Oh, it will make you feel better.” So I ended up getting back on meth for the next 2 years.
My addiction was so bad. I did meth every chance I could. I tried to hide it, but on Christmas of 2014 some of my family could notice. My sister and brother-in-law told me if I didn’t slow down I was going to lose custody of my kids. My reply to them was, "I'm not on drugs and I will not lose my kids. I know what I'm doing." On January 5th of 2015, I got a really big reality check. I lost custody of my two kids. I tried to cut my wrists and my family put me inpatient for suicide attempt and depression. I didn’t want to go but I went anyway.
While I was in there my ex signed temporary custody of the kids over to his brother. I couldn't do anything because I was inpatient. Once I got out I had to go speak to their lawyer and sign papers for them to have temporary custody because I was going to rehab for my drug addiction. I went and I got out of rehab but they refused to let me see my kids or talk to them. I relapsed because I was so upset. I called my sister to come help me. I was ready to give up the drug life.
I am 5 years clean and sober. I still don't have full custody of my kids. I do get them every other weekend. I am marrying the love of my life on June 6th, and we have 2 wonderful boys together and I have gained a step daughter. I always tell everyone that I know in addiction or dealing with mental health issues that there is light at the end of the dark tunnel.
God has us all, just ask for help and surrender and everything will work out.
-Michelle
