I joined the Army a few years back.  I had decided to join due to the love of serving, & wanted to serve my country as well. I grew up serving people with disabilities, & at the age of 14 started volunteering at the VA Medical Center in Jackson.  Seeing and serving the veterans inspired me to protect them like they protected me.  I left for Ft. Leonard Wood, MO a day after my 19th birthday.

Basic Training was tough, but I pushed through.  My assigned battle buddy decided the Army wasn’t for her 2 weeks in & faked an injury to get out.  That meant I had to carry her 75 lb. rucksack & M4 rifle along with my own.  I carried both rucksacks & M4s everywhere-through 16 km ruck marches & all.  I forgot to mention it was the coldest winter MO had had in 7 years. It snowed, iced, & snowed some more.  Sleeping in -12 degrees weather is not fun.

Long story short, I finished BCT & continued into AIT without a break or seeing my family.  My hips were hurting bad due to carrying all that weight for so long, but I was stubborn & pushed on.  Other females were faking hip injuries & I didn’t want to look like a quitter.  Turns out though, 2 weeks into AIT I was forced to go to the Med Clinic & discovered I had 2 very serious hip fractures.  That was when my depression & anxiety hit.  I was afraid I wasn’t going to be able to serve my country & put with the quitters.

I completed 4 months of physical therapy on base.  After that, I was supposed to return to AIT where I left off.  I was still in pain but knew AIT wouldn’t be as strenuous so I convinced my doctor to release me.  Except I wasn’t sent back to AIT.  I was told I had two options-quit the Army or restart BASIC TRAINING FROM THE BEGINNING.  I was torn.  I hadn’t seen my family for almost a year, but wanted to serve my country.  I prayed, then told the drill sergeants I wouldn’t quit.  I was depressed starting over & not seeing my family for even longer.  I had anxiety like I had never felt before.  At night I would totally lose it when no one could see just how hard it was not to see my family and be there longer.

Fast forward 18 weeks.  I was 1 graduation requirement away from graduating.  I was in such pain physically & emotionally, but I had made it to this point. I knew this was it.  I could pass my PT test & GO HOME.  That’s what I thought.  The morning of the PT test a drill sergeant gave me a direct order to go to the Med Clinic, “because he knew I was broken.”  I had an anxiety attack on my way to the Clinic, where I was diagnosed with another hip fracture.  I was forced to set up my battle buddies’ graduation, see through a closet door crack them greeting their families, & sent home 2 weeks later for good.

My whole life plan had changed.  I wanted to serve my country.  I don’t regret joining the Army, but it cut deep that I couldn’t serve my country & will have hip pain for the rest of my life.  I was so depressed after I was sent home & had severe anxiety for a long time after.  At one time I didn’t want to live anymore.  That’s when I saw a therapist & was put on anti-depressants.  Now, I know God wants me to serve in other was-but not in that way.  Now, I am doing well, off medication, & so happy with my life!

-Courtney